Susan Klebold does partially blame herself. "I often wished that I would die she wrote. "While i perceived myself to be a victim of the tragedy, i didn't have the comfort of being perceived that way by most of the community. I was widely viewed as a perpetrator or at least as an accomplice since i was the person who had raised a 'monster. She sent some of the victims and their families apology letters, but stopped sending them on her therapist's advice because some families found them unsettling. "we've never received a personal apology from the harrises or Klebolds misty bernall said.
Eric Harris and Dylan Klebold, criminal Minds wiki
And so in order to understand what he might have been thinking, i started to learn all I could about suicide.". She wrote that she never knew about his dark side. "Yes, operational he had filled notebook pages with his private thoughts and feelings. But old we'd never seen those notebooks she wrote. "And yes, he's written a school paper about a man in a black trench coat who brutally murders nine students. But we'd never seen that paper.". King said, "On the day when she went for the parent-teacher conference, they didn't have the paper there.". Mixed reactions From Columbine victims' families. Brad and Misty bernall, whose daughter Cassie was killed in the shooting, still believe dylan's parents missed crucial signs. "I can't help but think that a lot of this was preventable brad Bernall said.
She also doesn't believe that if he wasn't suicidal, that these murders would have happened.". Klebold described Dylan as a joyful and intellectually adventurous child who changed dramatically after he entered junior high school, becoming quiet, unmotivated academically and irritable. Despite that, his mother says he had been accepted to four colleges and was looking forward to attending the University of Arizona, and had attended his high school prom. It was only in writings the days, weeks and months after her son's death that she learned the extent of his depression and his involvement in planning the shooting. Klebold and her husband had no idea that Dylan and Harris had been compiling a cache of weapons, and she had never seen the journal entries in which Dylan wrote frequently about suicide. "Dylan's participation in the massacre was impossible for me to accept until I began to connect it to his own death she wrote. "Once i saw his journals, it was clear to me that Dylan entered the school with the intention of dying there.
Dylan Klebold's journals Broke mother's heart. In the decade since the columbine massacre, the nation has learned that Dylan, who was in a program for highly intellectual students and was his father's loyal chess partner, had grown increasingly shy in his teenage years. He was bullied and turned inward to journals that describe a depressed teen who hated life. "I'm an outcast he wrote write in one entry, "and everyone is conspiring against.". He also wrote about events like the oklahoma city bombing, and wanting to outdo those events. "From the writings Dylan left behind, criminal psychologists have concluded that he was depressed and suicidal susan Klebold wrote in her essay. "When I first saw copied pages write of these writings, they broke my heart. I'd had no inkling of the battle dylan was waging in his mind.". King said Klebold "believes that her son had not been diagnosed with depression, that he had a mental illness that she was not aware.
Klebold was at work when she got a phone call from her husband telling her that there had been a shooting at the high school and Dylan was unaccounted for. In her essay, klebold describes an exchange she had with Dylan on the morning of the massacre and says she is haunted by not having seen him face-to-face that day. "Early on April 20, i was getting dressed for work when I heard Dylan bound down the stairs and open the front door she wrote. "Wondering why he was in such a hurry when he could have slept another 20 minutes, i poked my head out of the bedroom. 'dyl?' All he said was 'bye.' The front door slammed, and his car sped down the driveway. "His voice had sounded sharp. I figured he was mad because he'd had to get up early to give someone a lift to class. I had no idea that I had just heard his voice for the last time.". King said Klebold "replays that scene a million times in her head.".
Reckoning: living in the Aftermath
I expected to find an explanation for why dylan had grown up capable of doing something so horrific. What I found instead was that the better i knew Tom and sue, the more bewildering it small all became. (To read the full article, please visit the. Ten years after, dylan Klebold staged the deadly shooting at Colorado's Columbine high School, his mother, susan Klebold, speaks openly for the first time about the massacre. In an essay in the november issue. O magazine, on newsstands today, klebold describes the shock and horror she experienced on the day of the shooting, as well as her personal journey to comprehend her son's actions and move forward. Play null, on April 20, 1999, 17-year-old Dylan Klebold and fellow student Eric Harris, who was 18, opened fire inside their high school, killing 13 and injuring more than 20 before turning their weapons on themselves.
"For the rest of my life, i will be haunted by the horror and anguish Dylan caused Klebold wrote. "I cannot look at a child in a grocery store or on the street without thinking about how my son's schoolmates spent the last moments of their lives. Dylan changed everything I believed about myself, about God, about family and about love.". O magazine editor at large gayle king told "Good Morning America" today that it wasn't the anniversary of the shooting that inspired Dylan's mother to share her story, but instead, "she said it's really taken 10 years for her to process." "She still feels unspeakable. "As a parent, you think, how could you not know?".
By sarah letrent, more than a decade after the gruesome school shooting that left 12 students and one teacher dead, the parents of Columbine shooters Eric Harris and Dylan Klebold remain largely silent. Susan Klebold, the mother of Dylan, finally opened up in a 2009 issue of Oprah Magazine with a personal essay titled. I will never Know Why. She wrote: Through all of this, i felt extreme humiliation. For months I refused to use my last name in public. I avoided eye contact when I walked.
Dylan was a product of my lifes work, but his final actions implied that he had never been taught the fundamentals of right and wrong. There was no way to atone for my sons behavior. She also revealed that in one newspaper survey, 83 percent of respondents said that the parents failure to teach Dylan and Eric proper values played a major part in the columbine killings. After the essay was published, she and her husband, tom, resumed their silence, until Klebold attended a lecture by author Andrew Solomon. Solomon was working on a book, far From the Tree, that explored children who were vastly different from their parents, whether through autism, dwarfism, homosexuality or crime, and in the Klebolds case, murder. Solomon said the decision to write the 976-page book came out of his experience as a gay man, out of my own sense of having been somewhat incomprehensible to my own parents, he explained. Klebold agreed to talk about the aftermath of her sons killing spree. I think they spoke to me because they wanted to ensure that Dylan was known with his nuances, as someone who was capable of kindness, himself, even though he ultimately engaged in a terrible act, solomon said.
Columbine high School massacre, wikipedia
His voice had sounded sharp. I figured he was mad because hed had to get up early to give someone a lift to class. I had no idea that I had just heard his voice for the last time. Another excerpt describes her struggle to come to grips with the tragedy. For the rest of my life, i will be haunted by the horror and anguish Dylan caused, she wrote. I cannot look at a child in a grocery store or on the street without thinking about how my sons schoolmates spent essays the last moments of their lives. Dylan changed everything I believed about myself, about God, about family, and about love.
Once i saw his journals, it was clear to me that Dylan entered the school with the intention of dying there. And so in order to understand what he might have been thinking, i started to learn all I could about suicide. Susan Klebold received no payment for the essay, said a magazine spokesperson, but hoped to raise suicide awareness and to generate thesis support for organizations such as The American foundation for suicide Prevention and the American Association of suicidology. A spokesperson for the Klebolds attorney, gary lozow, would not field questions and said that the Klebold family would have no further comment. The magazine hits newsstands on tuesday. In another passage, susan Klebold recounted the early morning before the violence began: Early on April 20, i was getting dressed for work when I heard Dylan bound down the stairs and open the front door. Wondering why he was in such a hurry when he could have slept another 20 minutes, i poked my head out of the bedroom. All he said was bye. The front door slammed, and his car sped down the driveway.
shooting. The essay by susan Klebold, which appears in the november issue of o, the Oprah Magazine, explores her sons role in the 1999 massacre where he and co-conspirator Eric Harris killed 12 students and a teacher and left two dozen wounded before killing themselves. Neither family has spoken at length in the aftermath of what at the time marked the most deadly school shooting. Pending litigation contributed to the silence for several years, but even with the lawsuits resolved, repeated requests for interviews have been turned down. In a news release, oprah Winfrey also noted that Susan Klebold had declined interview requests but then, several months ago, agreed to write about her personal experience. The magazine released a few advance excerpts. From the writings Dylan left behind, criminal psychologists have concluded that he was depressed and suicidal, susan Klebold wrote in one passage. When I first saw copied pages of these writings, they broke my heart. Id had no inkling of the battle dylan was waging in his mind. She added: Dylans participation in the massacre was impossible for me to accept until I began to connect it to his own death.
She at first feared Dylan had been shot at school, not that he was one of the perpetrators. Susan Klebold said the family was evacuated from their home the afternoon of the massacre because authorities feared even Dylan's residence may have been rigged to explode. Still, she said, it took months for relatives to accept that the quiet boy who loved origami and Legos was to blame for the violence. "We didn't know that he and Eric had assembled an arsenal of explosives and guns susan Klebold wrote. "We believed his participation in the massacre was accidental or that he had been coerced. We believed that he did not intend to hurt anyone.". The magazine released excerpts from the essay last week and published the full text on tuesday. A magazine spokeswoman said Susan Klebold has turned down several interview requests over writing the years but agreed several months ago to share an essay. There were no plans for her to appear on Oprah Winfrey's tv talk show.
A mother's, reckoning: living in the Aftermath